If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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