I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
