he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
