speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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