quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
