We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We got so high we made milksteak
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
