I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize