she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
