Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
