Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i think i just lost a toe
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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