toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
