You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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