I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
