What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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