It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
