You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize