Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
