During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
