I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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