This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize