I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
