i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
