guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
