Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
