So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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