I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
