even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
