I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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