I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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