My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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