Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
