I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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