There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
