I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
