Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
