If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
