Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
