Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
that's an acceptable place to lick
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
