I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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