it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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