barbara walters just said penis...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
