Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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