I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
