Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
