It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
