I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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