Umm I'm too high to move.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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