you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
