There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
