Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
