A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
