I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
