I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
