Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
