I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
