It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't turn off my feet"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
