They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
they need to just BURY HIM!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
