I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
