and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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