just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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