The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize