He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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