tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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