Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize