I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
