You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
