Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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