I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
