Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
zippers are such a cool invention
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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