You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
