i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
