Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
