420 ftw
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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