Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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