I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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