I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
