They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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