So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
