But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
