you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
