i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
