is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
