Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
