there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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