you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
