is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
