Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
