The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
